Up until this point, my transactions on eBay as a seller were smooth, to say the least. Then came along this person who thought that he would spoof a few emails and get my old camera for free. I count my blessings when I say that my old camera is still with me and ready to be listed again. It is my honor to present to you my story and all the emails the scammer sent, what would be my replies, and my most sarcastic of commentary. To protect me and anybody who may have been defrauded, I will redact information thus:

• Green box or “ME”: Me
• Red box or “SCAMMER”: Scammer

In order to understand some of the jokes, you will need to look at the associated email.
September 13: The item ends at around 9 AM.

10:55 AM - I receive an email supposedly from PayPal saying that payment has been received. Let’s start the dissembly: My friends always greet me by name. It is common courtesy, and businesses should definitely do the same thing. The dollar amount is incorrect — the auction ended at $78.50 and I charge shipping dependent on the buyer’s location. Even a 3rd-grader can agree with me when I say that $79.00 != $87.00 The last time I checked, Wenger does not endorse PayPal. My roommate says that he is a great head coach of the Arsenal, though. Neither PayPal nor eBay can confirm that the user has checked out. Holding funds like this is simply not how PayPal rolls. I, can’t, stop, using, commas! Here’s your tracking number: 474F-424F4F46-594F555253454C46 (if you want to decode this, be my guest.) I should not have done this, but I used the eBay system to send the buyer a message that neither eBay nor PayPal can confirm that I have received payment and that I will not ship until I receive such verification. I proceeded to send this message to PayPal to make sure I really am not seeing things. 11:15 AM - PayPal confirms that the message I received is a spoof. 11:44 AM - I report the user’s account as stolen. 1:38 PM - I receive an email from eBay saying that the item listed has been removed and my seller fees refunded. This means that I am released from the obligation of shipping the item to such an undeserving person.

1.txt

1:38 PM - Today’s word of the day is “deliverying,” originating from message from the buyer saying that the payment has been made (yeah, right) and to send it to his “deliverying” address. Here is where things go really awry: Headers show that the scammer is using the same email address to spoof the buyer and PayPal. A few friends and eBay advised me to ignore all messages coming from the scammer.

2.txt

September 14: The communications continue

2:08 AM - A gentle reminder from PayPal, *Attn* :Uneducated Moron, You ought to have passed third grade by now to, Learn how to use commas properly, Mind you, commas are great for various purposes, However, using it to end sentences is not a very good idea.	3.txt
2:19 AM - I received an email from the buyer claiming that he has made the payment. Taking into consideration that the scammer used the same email address to pose as PayPal and the buyer, he has not one quantum of credibility left.	4.txt

September 14

10:24 AM - Scammer is worried and wants to “no” if I have shipped the item. I just want to let you all “no” that I will never, ever ship the item to him.

5.txt

September 17

1:45 PM - Word of the day is “HAPPEING,” and I will tell you what is “happeing”:DEAR SCAMMER, HAVE NOT SHIPPED THE ITEM ,,,,ALL YOU NEED IS TO COMMIT SUICIDE IF YOU CANNOT MAKE AN HONEST LIVING …NEVER GET ONLINE AGAIN

6.txt

Now, let’s get back into “serious mode” and examine what lessons we have learned so far:

• Emails from companies you have an account with will address you by your legal name.
• Wenger does not endorse PayPal
• I CAN’T HELP YOU IF YOU’RE YELLING AT ME!
• Payments are instant and are never, ever put in “approved” status.

• Should your caps lock be turned on, you only need to move your left pinky 7/16″ to prevent yourself from looking like a complete moron.

• Before shipping the item, log into eBay and PayPal to make sure that you have the money

Update: I still have the emails in my GMail account.  If you wish to get the redacted information in red, please leave me a comment with your contact information (only I will see your contact information) and I will be happy to provide it to you.